Relationships are the stuff of life. When they work, they provide the vital foundation for success in all other areas of life.
Many people have reached a certain point in their life where unproductive, mediocre or dysfunctional relationships are no longer an acceptable way to live. They are ready to rescue the relationship, or leave it to create space for a new one to start.
Having coached thousands of people on relationships over the years, I have learnt which techniques work and which ones don’t, and would love to share with you three powerful tips for nurturing your relationships.
1.Respect the other person’s model of the world
Have you ever been so convinced you were ‘right’ that you dug your heels in, and had a huge argument with someone you love?
When you both cooled down, how did you feel?
We all have a set of filters that delete, distort and generalise everything that we see. My filters are different to your filters, and your filters are different to everyone you come in contact with.
Understanding this will help you to put yourself in your partner’s shoes in any situation.
At Live it Now we talk about the map not being the terrain.
Rather than defending your own map to the death, try and understand and learn from the maps of the people you have or want to build relationships with so you can see the world as they see it.
2.People are not their behaviours
In NLP we talk about forgiveness because we understand that everyone does the best they can with the resources they have available.
Often in life we judge people based on their behaviours rather than seeing the person for who they really are.
In our relationships, we need to constantly keep this in mind as every behaviour is motivated by a positive intent.
When an issue arises if you take time to understand the issue and use the issue as an opportunity to learn, rather than to play the blame game, you have taken the first step to changing a behaviour.
3.Build and maintain rapport
People who are like each other, like each other. When you like someone, you are willing to assist them in having whatever they want. Conversely, when someone likes you, they are often more willing to help you.
By maintaining strong rapport in all of our relationships, we are unconsciously showing someone that we care about them and we value the relationship we have with them.
Rapport is so important in all areas of life, that it is one of the most important lessons we teach and practice in all of our courses.
My good friend Michael Adamedes is an absolute master when it comes to rescuing, maintaining and creating relationships.
This June Michael will be presenting his ‘Creating Loving Relationships’ course in Sydney. This is a truly powerful two and a half day experience that will likely be the turning point not only in your ability to transform old dysfunctional relationships into healthy, productive ones but also in your ability to attract and create exciting new ones.
Matt Catling – Your Future Now
14–16 Chandos St,
St Leonards NSW 2065
1800 552 168