How to Integrate Warring Parts

To get what we want in life, to be in control and be operating at the highest level, we need to be totally congruent.

That means that everything about us needs to want the same thing and move in the same direction.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Matt, what are you talking about, how can I be moving in different directions?”

It really is possible be going in two directions at once, even completely conflicting directions. That’s because at some point your neurological pathways for a value or a belief came to a fork in the road, and went their separate ways. They develop different rules of operation, different methods of operating, and learned different things on their individual journeys.

They each get stronger and become reinforced with life experience.

It happens a lot and we don’t really pay attention, but it will come out in your results. Like, if you want to save money but part of you likes living on the edge of your financial limits. You want to get fit but part of you loves being lazy. You want to have a meaningful relationship but a part of you wants to be single.

Feelings that indicate that you are at war with yourself.

• You have lots of internal arguments
• Feel torn about what the right thing to do is
• Seem to sabotage your good efforts
• Don’t feel like you have a clear purpose
• Feel like you lose no matter what direction you take
• Have conflicting behaviour patterns
• Feel like you need to compete with yourself to get ahead
• Get stuck in bad habits
• Feel overwhelmed by indecision
• Lose productivity to procrastination
• Suffer internal conflicts

When you have warring parts within yourself you waste energy and even cause yourself stress and pain. You feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall.

“You have suffered enough and warred with yourself it’s time that you won.”

The study and practice of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) can help identify and reconnect warring internal parts. You can return your parts to their original source quickly and easily with a process called Parts Integration.

What is Parts Integration?

I love Parts Integration, I love the energy that clients literally feel between their hands and fingers as these parts come back together. You can see their face relaxing as they get peace and closure.

Amazing things happen after a parts integration. So many times, straight after a resolution the person’s phone will ring or they will get a text message from a family member or partner (especially if the integration and resolution involved that family member). They will call and ask, “RU okay?”, “I’m worried about you”, “Can we have dinner together?”

The shift in energy is just that powerful. It’s so awesome to be there to help bring people together.

With NLP everything about the unconscious mind is symbolic. We use internal representations to help our minds describe its processes. Of course the parts are not actual “parts”, this is a metaphor we use to give our conscious mind a tangible demonstration of what is happening unconsciously. Because the unconscious works on abstract and takes everything personally, creating metaphors works incredibly well. Plus it’s a lot more fun and has a deeper connection when you get creative and involved in the process.

How Parts Integration Works

With NLP we believe that every behaviour has a positive intent. That can be a difficult one for people to grasp, “hold on, when I’m eating junk food I want the best for myself?”

Yes. Everything we do, if you trace it all the way back to its source comes from a place where your unconscious mind thinks it is best for your survival and happiness.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and get into some really dark water. A while ago a woman killed her three small children, one of them an infant. People were horrible to her as she went into the courtroom. They hurled abuse and called her names. She was completely alone as she walked to her hearing, cameras in her face, just her lawyer at her side. Here is a person who did something terrible, and she will live with that for the rest of her life. Her behaviour was way out of control but if we were to ask her, to break it down step by step, her unconscious mind would have had a very good reason for taking that action in that moment.

She will not be aware of it until we ask her, remember this is deep unconscious thinking, but if we ask her in the right way, using NLP questions it would take only a minute or two to get to the heart of it. Only she will be able to answer, but to give you an idea of the possible things that come up when we are revealing the positive intention:
It was noisy and she was tired.
She wanted quiet because quiet will mean rest and rest will mean calm and calm will mean peace and peace will mean happiness.

Knowing that she wanted something positive, we could ask her what other ways she could find quiet. What other ways she can find peace and she would be able to come up with a lot of positive choices. That’s only when we know how to raise it to a conscious level of thought though. When we don’t understand how to ask and how to reveal the positive, we take action on autopilot.

Most of us can identify with that need for some peace and quiet. Most of us have been so tired it feels impossible to think clearly. Usually though, we find a way to get rest.

Her warring parts would not have been, ‘I want to kill my children’ vs ‘I love my children’.

Again, she’s the only one who has the answers but let’s imagine it might be:

I want to ask for help but getting help means I fail as a parent.

So maybe the waring parts could have been something like:

Getting help vs doing everything alone.

We could break each of those down to their most basic positive intentions and we would find that the highest possible intention for both of these conflicting parts is the same.
Let’s say when we go through step by step getting help would equal love.
And step by step doing everything alone would equal love.

That’s not so hard to imagine right. I get help and I get proof that I am loved. I do everything and shoulder responsibility so I am loved.

Now that we know those parts have the same intention and we have brought it to our conscious awareness, it’s very easy to think up new ways to get that need met together. It’s so easy to see how much more effective and easy a unified force will be.

The parts are happy to strip back their different rules and unite, keeping what they need to continue and casting aside what’s not working.

Our unconscious mind takes the path of least resistance. So as soon as we uncover a more effective way of getting a need met, your neurological pathways will change to get you there, rapidly.

That’s an extreme example, and a very rare situation. What I wanted to show you is how deep these feelings and systems go. Maybe too we can be a little more compassionate when someone’s behaviour seems cruel or malicious. Having an understanding that there is a bigger driver there can help with our patience, empathy and help us give more to our community.

It’s incredibly liberating to get resolution from warring parts. When reconciled you have a lot more positive energy, move towards your desired goals easily, make decisions with more accuracy and confidence and actively manifest more of what you want and it can also indirectly improve relationships and your health.

Learning Parts Integration

I teach Parts Integration in my Excellence Now courses, where you will have a full integration demonstration (see if there is a phone call) and then you work in dedicated groups to practice Parts Integration as both a client and practitioner.

One of the reasons people respond to Parts Integration so well is because it engages all your senses. It is a visual exercise that involves deep recognition of the parts with tangible sensory elements. It also requires movement to physically and mentally join the parts together in a way you can actually feel happening.

The parts integration is specific to a certain context. Like health, wealth or finances, relationships or career. We will teach you in Excellence Now how to determine which parts are in conflict and when it is safe and ecologically sound to bring two parts together, so you can practice this empowering tool with care and confidence.

So pull yourself together, sign a peace treaty and get back on track to an excellent life!

Matt Catling

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