Did you know there are 5 Love Languages, and that we all have a preferred love language that can be grouped into one of these five love languages?
Our brains are big places. There is a lot that happens without our knowing. One of these great unknowns is the love languages we all have. They are used all the time and are essential for a happy relationship, yet they exist on such a subconscious level that most of us never have any awareness of their influence on our lives.
When someone speaks our love language it fills us up with energy and we feel good. We know, without doubt, that we are loved and respected. But if our love language is different to our partner’s or our children, then we may not feel their love very often. For some people, they don’t feel loved at all.
When you lose the feeling of being loved, you also lose the connection you have with that person. The relationship becomes hard work and possibly frustrating. On the flip side, you might be the one giving and giving and giving your love and feeling like it’s constantly being rejected or wasted by the person you are giving it to.
Have you ever been hugged, but you hate hugs? You can’t understand why a friend has to grab your arm to tell you something they are excited about. Why are people constantly trying to touch you??
Are you fed up with your partner bringing back knick-knacks you don’t need every time they are away from you? Or maybe a family member forgot to give you a gift on your birthday and couldn’t understand why this upset you?
If you were to know that the huggers love language is physical touch would you be more open to loving them back and accepting that hug?
If you knew that your partner’s gift giving was their way of saying how much they love you and thought of you, would you accept that the gifts weren’t just junk?
If your family member knew your first love language was gifts, they would most likely have made an effort to give you something small and thoughtful.
People love to love and help one another. We all want to be filled with that love-buzz feeling and give happiness to those closest to us.
If you are feeling unloved by the people closest to you, get to know their love languages. It could be that those little things that annoyed you were actually deep and meaningful love tokens, you just didn’t speak the same language. At the same time, learning the love languages of your loved ones will teach you how to speak in a language they understand and enable them to fully love you back the way you need to be loved.
We might have an emotional connection to all five love languages but one will always lead out over the others.
People whose first love language is Words of Affirmation feel loved when they are told nice things in a soft and comforting or even fun way. They also like written cards and letters that have warm and praising content. This kind of person will light up when you tell them they did a great job or that you appreciate them being there. Be careful of your tonality when communicating with someone who’s love language is Words of Affirmation.
For those who have Quality Time as their first love language, their love tank is filled by being together. The togetherness is focussed and honest, free from interruptions and distractions (watching TV on the couch doesn’t count). This kind of person will love going on holiday with you, they don’t even care where the holiday is. Avoid using your phone or checking Facebook when you are with someone who’s love language is Quality Time.
Don’t think that a person who gets and receives love from gifts is materialistic. Not at all. Gift giving doesn’t need to be elaborate or expensive for this person to feel love. The smallest tokens are precious, especially if given in a private and unique way. Remembering special occasions and the gift of time is also part of this love language. The saying “it’s the thought that counts” really rings true for this love language speaker. Never give a gift voucher to someone who’s love language is Receiving Gifts.
For the person who speaks the love language Acts of Service, just doing the vacuuming is an expression of love. Ongoing acts of helpfulness, assisting with house chores and picking up after yourself will make this person feel gooey inside. It’s your consideration for them that they are hearing when you help out, and their consideration for you that they express when they do the dishes or make a bed, so be sure to say “thank you”.
Those who communicate love through Physical Touch are usually very physical people. They love hugs, pats on the shoulder, back or hand, and sitting close. There is nothing sexual about their actions, it is purely in friendship. A warm embrace is all it takes to really let this person know they are loved and appreciated in your life.
You don’t have to understand why that person feels love from what you do. Why their language works for them will probably always be a mystery to you. All you need to know is that it does work and you can speak it.
If you would like to take a quick quiz to learn your top love language, visit the 5lovelanguages website.
If you are in a relationship or have kids we recommended everyone takes the test so you can share your results. For younger kids there is a section parents can complete on their behalf.
Once you have your test results, read this blog again to really cement that love because love language are a truly powerful and essential part of happiness.
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